10 GOOD THINGS

1. An ice cold beer on a hot day.
2. Not having to say a word.
3. The sun in your face.
4. A good dog.
5. Hearing an old favorite song.
6. A hot dog on a stick.
7. Smiling for no reason.
8. Someone you really like touching you.
9. Clean sheets.
10. Faith.

10 BAD THINGS

1. Bills.
2. Hate.
3. Having to cut the grass.
4. Being lonely.
5. Flies.
6. Cheap whiskey
7. Poor health.
8. Lies
9. Hungry children.
10. No Faith.

TEN THINGS I KNOW ABOUT WOMEN

1. They have a Vagina.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. Oh Yeah, and Tits.

Momma Don't Play !

In case you can't read his sign, it says,

"Hi !! I'm 13 years old and I steal, I want to go to Prison to be with my Daddy."

We need more Moms like this one.

(Sent to me by Donnie)

Pissing and Moaning...

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed the nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then he heard the dog moan loudly and then the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

NOTE : There was more on the Pet Food recall last night on "NightLine" on channel 2, something about "SUNSHINE" dog biscuits. I didn't get a chance to watch it, I was busy somewhere else. I'm worried about feeding my dogs anything. I've been feeding them cubed Spam for a week now. I have some Pedigree brand dog food but I'm even leery of using it. Good luck to all and your pets.

UPDATE TO PET FOOD RECALL:

The FDA (Food and Drug Administration) has released the following statement concerning the PURINA involvement in the latest pet food recall:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE -- St. Louis, Missouri, March 30, 2007 . . . Nestlé Purina PetCare Company today announced it is voluntarily recalling all sizes and varieties of its ALPO® Prime Cuts in Gravy wet dog food with specific date codes. The Company is taking this voluntary action after learning today that wheat gluten containing melamine, a substance not approved for use in food, was provided to Purina by the same company that also supplied Menu Foods. The contamination occurred in a limited production quantity at only one of Purina’s 17 pet food manufacturing facilities.

Earlier today the FDA announced the finding of melamine in products related to the March 16 Menu Foods recall, and advised Purina of the source of the contaminated supply. Purina then determined that it had received some quantity from the suspect supplier. The company proactively notified the FDA and immediately began this recall process.

Purina is confident that the contaminated wheat gluten has been isolated to this limited production quantity of ALPO Prime Cuts canned products.
The recalled 13.2-ounce and 22-ounce ALPO Prime Cuts cans and 6-, 8-, 12- and 24-can ALPO Prime Cuts Variety Packs have four-digit code dates of 7037 through 7053, followed by the plant code 1159. Those codes follow a "Best Before Feb. 2009" date.** This information should be checked on the bottom of the can or the top or side of the multi-pack cartons.

Purina’s 5.3-ounce Mighty Dog® pouch products, manufactured by Menu Foods, were previously withdrawn from the market as a precaution on March 16 as part of the Menu Foods recall. ONLY Mighty Dog pouch products and specific date codes of ALPO Prime Cuts canned dog food are being recalled.

Importantly, no Purina brand dry pet foods are affected by the recall – including ALPO Prime Cuts dry. In addition, no other Purina dog food products, no Purina cat food products, Purina treat products or Purina Veterinary Diet products are included in this recall, nor have been impacted by the contaminated wheat gluten supply.

Consumers should immediately stop feeding ALPO Prime Cuts products with the above-listed date codes to their dogs and consult with a veterinarian if they have any health concerns with their pet.

Purina guarantees all of its products, and consumers can receive the full replacement value of the recalled products. Consumers can visit us at www.purina.com or call 1-800-218-5898, Monday through Friday, 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. CDT, to receive more information.

ANOTHER PET FOOD RECALL !!

I WAS TOLD THAT THERE WAS ANOTHER PET FOOD RECALL. THIS TIME IT WAS ON PURINA PET FOODS AND IN PARTICULARLY "PRIME CUTS". NOW THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I FEED MY DOGS, BOTH IN IT'S DRY AND CANNED FORM. I LEAVE THE DRY OUT FOR THEM ALL OF THE TIME AND FEED THEM A LARGE CAN, 22 OZ. EVERY OTHER DAY. ON THE ODD DAYS THEY GET A PACKAGE OF WIENERS. I DON'T KNOW WHY I STARTED THIS, WIENERS ARE AS CHEAP AS DOG FOOD AND THEY SURE LOVE THEM. THEY LOOK AND STAY HEALTHY SO I DON'T BOTHER TO CHANGE IT. PLUS THEY GET A BUTT-LOAD OF TABLE SCRAPS. ANYWAY I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO RESEARCH THE RECALL LIST BETTER, I'LL GET ON THAT LATER, FOR THE MEAN TIME I'M NOT FEEDING THEM ANY PACKAGED OR CANNED DOG FOOD. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR PETS.

I Must Be Getting Old...

The other day I slipped in the bathroom and instead of yelling, “S**t!” or, “Oh F**K” or something along those lines I yelled, “Oh Goodness Gracious”. I immediately thought of Walter Brennan, and if I need to explain to you who he is then you’re too young to appreciate this anyway. I also used the word, “hanker” in a comment to a comment while ago (hanker - “to want”) It got me to thinking of a lot of things that older people say or terms they use, things my Grandparents and Mom and Dad used to say or things I used to hear on TV as a kid. Sure signs to a person advancing in their years. So I thought I would make a short list of some of these words, phrases, and sayings, I say a short list because there are so many of them I could be here for days if I tried to make a more complete longer list. If any of you have any favorites that I’ve left out, feel free to comment on them and I may sit down some day and make a revised list. All though use of some of these may actually date you so be careful. And BTW, Walter Brennan is another one of my favorite old actors. Thanks and have a good week.

Some items in this list are self explanatory, some will be followed by an explanation, while others I may not have a clue as to what they actually mean or where they come from, they will be followed by an exclamation, (?) meaning, “what the hell?”

1. “By Yimmeny”
2. “Jumpin’ Geehazifat”
3. “Shabow” (butt)
4. “Tighter ‘n Dick’s hatband”
5. “No bigger ‘n a Corn Nubbin” - (?)
6. “You don’t know S**t from Shinola” (wasn’t “Shinola” shoe polish?)
7. “a divan” (a couch or settee)
8. “Geewillikers” (?)
9. “Good Golly”
10. “More than you can shake a stick at”
11. “Hunker Down”
12. “Sakes Alive” (often preceded by “Goodness Gracious)
13. “For Pete’s sake” or, “For the love of Pete“ (who’s Pete?)
14. “Tally Whacker” (a pecker)
15. “Curmudgeon “ (a killjoy or wet blanket)
16. “Fickle Fart”
17. “Hoo Head John” (whiskey)
18. “Bust Head” (whiskey)
19. “John Barley Corn” (whiskey or beer)
20. “Drunker ‘n Cooter Brown” (who was he and why did he drink so much?)
21. “Nine kinds of” (a whole bunch)
22. “The whole Nine yards” (what’s up with the # Nine?)
23. “Fist O’ Cuffs” (fighting fist to fist)
24. “On the Cuff” (for free or on credit, I’m not sure which)
25. “Pitching Woo” (I’m not sure but I think my Dad did it to my Mom)
26. “Shinin, Putting On, Spoofin, Boshin, or Kidding (to tease or to fool)
27. “Whackin Pucky”or “Stickum Pucky“ (glue?)
28. “I’ll be hot digity” or “hot digity dog”
29. “The Dickens” (what the Hell is the “Dickens” and how can someone “be” it or how can you “give” it to some one?)
30. “Crimeny” (?)

There are a whole lot more and if you are from the South or just country in general there are a butt-load more. The more I started thinking of them and saying them out loud the more Hillbilly sounding I became. Anyway it’s something to think about.