Sunday, May 27, 2007

Eleven Things That Piss Me Off Lately (ten just wasn't enough)

1. People that say, “I Support Our Troops” What the Hell have they done to support anything? Put a $1.95 sticker on the back of their Hyundai! (and btw, it’s friggin’ crooked) Don't get me wrong, I LOVE OUR TROOPS, I only wish that I could do something to really support them other than pray for them daily.

2. People who use the word, “your” in place of “you’re” and visa-versa. These are the same people who don’t know the difference between, “weather” and, “whether”.

3. People who type like this, “EvErY gOOd bOY dOEs fInE.” What the Hell is up with that crap?

4. Peeple thet mispale everthin to tri an hyde tha fakt thet thay kan’t spale ne thin. I can’t spell and most people know it so why try and hide it, I even screw up using “Spell Check”.

5. People’s personal profiles that say, “I like to have fun”. Duh! Who the Hell doesn’t?

6. REALITY TV! (no explanation needed)

7. Going to McDonalds and getting the ketchup on the OUTSIDE of my double cheeseburger!

8. Constantly having to sign in on Blogger using my Google account!!!

9. Getting 192 pieces of mail every friggin' week. (4 bills, 100 coupons, 1 letter from AT&T telling me that Cingular is the new AT&T, and 87 letters from various VISA Companies telling me that I’m PRE approved to be turned down for a credit card)

10. E-Mails trying to get me to refinance my home - telling me that some rich widow wants to give me 2.5 million dollars and all I have to do is give her all of my personal information, and don’t bother trying to call her because of some freaky throat disease she can no longer talk - trying to get me to purchase discount drugs - or my favorite one, Size does matter, but don’t worry because now you can increase the length AND girth of your Penis with a simple pill, “VIMAX”

11. Rosie O’Donnell (maybe if she would take some of that Twinkie money and buy a Stairmaster or something she could get laid by a Man and then she might not be such a Bee-yotch!)

Sorry… my bad. No offense to Lesbians, or the fine people at Hostess.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

John Wayne

May 26, 2007
Marion Michael Morrison would have been 100 years old today. Come Sundown I'll have a shot of Tequila... or two.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Faith and Religion

A friend of mine said something wise to me, he said, “people don’t go to church because of church people.” now that’s hitting the nail on the head, it should be on a t-shirt or something. People don’t go to church because of other people, not so much because of the clergy but because of the people sitting in the pews. You know why God takes care of drunks and fools? I used to go to this all night diner to drink coffee with some friends, it was our hangout spot. The waitresses there that had the most seniority got to pick their own schedules, they always picked Friday and Saturday nights when the bars let out and shied away from the Sunday and Wednesday church crowds. A drunk would chose from the buffet, drink a cup of coffee and leave a big tip. The church crowd would ask for a lot of extra everything, order a single hamburger for three kids have you cut it up and then deliver it to the three different tables where they were sitting , leave a huge mess and a .37 cent tip from ten people
I was Baptized when I was thirteen years old in the Methodist Church. I was raised Baptist at home but we did not attend church as a kid. I wasn’t sure about getting Baptized because I wasn’t sure what it meant. I talked with some friends at church, our youth minister, and even some of the Elders. I wanted to make sure I was doing it for the right reason. Looking back, that was pretty wise for a thirteen year old boy. A few years later I started going to an Assembly of God Church with my older brother, I liked it quite a bit though I never could get used to people speaking in Tongues. My bother told me to keep an open mind and just do what my heart told me to do. So I let people do what they wanted to and I remained silent. Eventually for one reason or the other I stopped going to church. Looking back it was always because of the people I stopped going (I know that’s a poor excuse) I used to worry about what people thought too much. Through the years I would always pray, not everyday but occasionally. I was always a little apprehensive about giving myself completely to God, I thought I would miss out on the fun stuff or that I would fail and not be worthy of Heaven. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes and then some. I’ve done a lot of things that I’m not proud of. I’ve sinned with the best of them and still do (I’m working on that) Almost two years ago I finally got the nerve to give myself to God. I still don’t go to church, I have the Don Williams outlook on that, “I don’t believe that Heaven waits, for only those who congregate” I speak of the Lord and share with other as much as possible, I try and teach my daughter. I’ve put it all in Gods hand’s and he has done a remarkable job in taking care of me. I’ve gotten through every obstacle in my life and I know that I will continue to do so. All I have to do is my best. Be honest, be helpful, be forgiving, say my prayers, and just do the right thing. I work on my short comings and try and include God in all of my decisions. It’s really pretty easy and I wish that I would have figured this out long ago. I miss out on nothing and the reward is grand. I’m no Holy Roller, I am who I am, and as long as God knows what’s in my heart nothing else matters. He will see to it that I get what I need, maybe not what I want but always what’s really important and I’ll always get by, and the day when I don’t, it’s ok because I’ll be in Heaven and it can’t get better than that. BTW, J.E. Cook is my friend and Brother and a Christian too. I hope he finds happiness along his path. Peace.

Ramblings of a Disturbed Man...

4:31 in the AM. My back is cold, maybe it’s because my back is to the A/C which shouldn’t be on to begin with. I’m hungry. My stomach is doing hula hoops around my a**hole. I’ve been to the toilet 97 times today. The softest toilet paper there is, is still not soft enough after 97 times. 4:35 in the AM. My kid gets up for school in 25 minutes. My left leg is swollen half again its normal size. The grass in my front yard is over a foot tall. Both of my dogs have fleas. Flea collars do not work. The fleas are already really bad this year. I had a new half gallon of flea and tick spray for the yard (the kind you hook up to your water hose and soak the yard with) I kept it over the sink with the rest of the chemicals. Apparently it had a leak because it is empty now. Where did it go?
I was gonna watch a DVD but my Digital VD player suddenly became picky about what it chooses to do and not do. 4:41 an the AM. A small moth is barn storming my PC monitor. I deleted my cookies. I also deleted all of my e-mails. There are fleas in my bed. I’m wondering what photo will go best with this post. I might choose one that has nothing to do with anything. 4:46 in the AM. I’m averaging about nine words a minute with only fourteen errors. I wonder if Maloxx (or is it Mallox) no, I believe its Maalox, anyway does it do anything for gas? Always remember once you are past 40 do NOT trust your farts! 4:50 in the AM. The birds are starting to chirp. I should probably post this and get off before the alarm goes off. By the time I find a random photo and upload it, it should be just about 5:00 in the AM. Have a good day.
Oh, I found a photo. It’s of Alicia Keys. She has nothing to do with my rambles, she’s just so Damn fine that I would drink her bath water, or at least make soup out of her panties. I saw her last week in “Smokin’ Aces” and she was FINE. I need sleep. Peace.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

I'm Still Kickin' ...

My Friggin' computer fried about two weeks ago. It refused to stay turned on. The Computer Spaz down at the computer shop (where I will no further do business) said it was the power supply. It was supposed to take a week to get the part. I told him to just “next day air” that bad boy and I’d be glad to pay the extra. I guess people with that level of computer knowledge and skills lack the ability to process information given to them from normal folk, that and the ability to use a phone because he screwed it up and it took nine days (business) and he still forgot to call me when it was ready. So I called him and said, “hey, what’s up with the delay? It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve had any porn. He saw no humor in this and said that my “unit” was ready. He also said that after plugging in the new power supply that it still would not work, so he did some more troubleshooting and discovered that the floppy disc drive was jacked up some how and causing the shutdown problem, so he unplugged it and now the "unit" works fine. Now correct me if I’m retarded. Being that the part I paid for (the power supply - $49.95) did not fix the problem and that simply unplugging the floppy disc drive did fix it, why in the Hell am I paying for the power supply and now I have no floppy disc capabilities ? I haven’t used a floppy disc in over a year anyway, not since I purchased a jump-drive but I would still like for my computer to be at 100 %. I paid him anyway and will not use him again, I was not waiting any longer or going without a computer for another week. I can get the disc drive from Staples and install it myself later. So that’s why I’ve been on hiatus for the last couple of weeks. I’d gotten use to doing all of my banking and bill paying on line and I have a butt-load of that to catch up on, not to mention a few hundred E-mails. Well I guess it will give me something to do this weekend while the kid is away at her mom’s. So peace to all and take care. I’ll try and get around and visit soon.