Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Still Celebrating 100 Years

This is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Oklahoma
If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Oklahoma.
If "vacation" means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Oklahoma.
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you find 60 degrees "a little chilly," you may live in Oklahoma.
If you see a tornado warning on the television but don't get too awfully excited about it until you actually SEE it coming toward you, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you actually understand all of these jokes, you definitely live in Oklahoma.
Rules of Oklahoma
1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, & I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah . . . We don't care what folks in Cincinnati call that stuff they eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in the West. . . and real chili never met a tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she'd better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and high school Football is important here and fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Oklahoma State University and the University of Oklahoma. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have lots of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, so "Don't Mess with Oklahoma." If you do, you will get your ass whipped by the best.
Oklahoma -- Native America and Proud of it!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hiya Chuck,

I sure would like to come out to your neck of the woods. Sounds like heaven to me. We had SO many of those qualities back home in S.Africa when it was still a good place to be .... safe and curteous.

Hunting season started July though :-)

Glad to see youre in a happier place now.


December 05, 2007 9:12 AM  
Blogger kaliblue said...

Hey Chuck,
Sorry it's been a while since I come to visit ya.. I love these Jeff-isms *LOL*. So how many fits you? *giggles*

December 06, 2007 3:41 PM  
Anonymous AZCG said...

Oh crap, everything I own hurts! I went to my bestest girlfriend's house and cleaned it top to bottom for her birthday. She has two dogs and I swear they waited for me to put something down and they would grab it and chew it into a million little pieces. Then to add insult to injury I'd take both of them out every 15 minutes and they would wait until they got back into the house to pee. It took me nine hours, but I got 'er done. My hands hurt from scrubbing, I can't type... catch you later gater!

December 07, 2007 12:35 AM  
Blogger Chuck said...

Bosbefok - glad to hear from you, i'd love for you to come down and go hunting and camping with us (if i was able) we'd have to have a drink or two if you didn't mind.

kaliblue - good to hear from you, i don't think any of us get around to visiting like we used to. a lot of them, i like # 1 quite a bit.

azcg - i wish that you'd come clean my house, it would probably take a week, i have enough dog hair on everything to make two or three new dogs. i hope you all have a good Christmas, i always do for some reason or the other. peace.

December 07, 2007 9:26 AM  
Anonymous AZCG said...

Hi Chuck! I fell asleep on the couch at about 6:pm, I woke up, brushed my teeth and went to bed, I was having a bad dream and must have been grinding my teeth, I woke up with my jaw aching, it is now 10:55pm and I'm wide awake! You know I'd clean your house for you if I could, there is no house I won't tackle. Oh wait a second I remember a time I wouldn't clean! I met a date at his apartment and he greeted me at the door and welcomed me in and said: "I'm not quite ready yet, but you can clean my apartment while I get ready. I waited for him to go to the bathroom and I left! LOL, what an ass.

December 08, 2007 12:08 AM  
Anonymous AZCG said...

I was watching the early morning news and they said Oklahoma was in the middle of an ice storm, are you okay?

December 11, 2007 7:37 AM  
Blogger Chuck said...

azcg - we were covered in ice (freezing rain) but we seem to be in a warm pocket here in muskogee, it's like 50 degrees here and 40 miles north 240,000 people are without electricity and 15 people have died in two days, but we seem to be ok here, it did this last year and we were without power for 8 days but we managed ok. it's supposed to drop back down below freezing tonight and more freezing rain and i have a doctors app in the morning that i'm not supposed to miss for anything, or so that's what they tell me. we'll see i guess, thanks for asking. xoxo

December 11, 2007 9:10 AM  
Anonymous AZCG said...

We're at 54 degrees and I have the back door open. It's been raining off and on for a week, and we haven't seen the sun very much. The news didn't show any pictures of Oklahoma I guess I'll have to Google a Muskogee TV station so I can see what an ice storm looks like. Good luck with the Dr. appointment. {{{HUGS}}}

December 11, 2007 1:40 PM  
Blogger Chuck said...

azcg - KJRH, KOTV, or KTUL Tulsa. and i got a phone call today, they rescheduled my app for the 19th so everything is cool.

December 11, 2007 5:07 PM  
Blogger klbrowser said...

Hi! Remember me? Sorry I haven't commented in so long.

Some of those witticisms could apply to South Dakota as well, especially about the hunting (mostly pheasant and deer, but you can shoot a mountain lion if it's early enough in the season). Well, except for the 60 degress being cool. The high temperature in Sioux Falls today was 16.

Glad you aren't iced in. I used to live in Kansas in the '80's, and I remember how a single ice storm can really wipe out a town! Sioux Falls gets ice storms too, but so far in the year I've lived here, I've only experienced one.

If you'd like a distraction, I'm tagging you for one of those blogosphere memes, the seven random facts one. The details will be on my blog as soon as I post them (which I'm hoping will be tonight).

December 14, 2007 9:44 PM  
Blogger Chuck said...

klbrowser - good to hear from you, i'll be by soon to retrieve said tag.

December 18, 2007 5:49 AM  

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