Sunday, December 30, 2007

Grizzer Bear !

An Atheist was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees"
"What powerful rivers"
"What beautiful animals"
He said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'

'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer'? The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?

'Very Well,' said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord bless this food, for which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'

(From AZCG)

Friday, December 21, 2007

It's Been A While

It's been a while but I received a meme from klbrowser over at browser life . Seven random things about myelf that most do not know.

1. I own 3 guitars and one bass guitar along with 7 harmonicas and I can not play any of them (this is my Ovation Celebrity)

2. When I get really sleepy, my jaw will sometimes slam shut and I'll crack or chip a tooth. I bite my toungue a lot also.

3. My Mother died of Leukemia.
4. I hallucinate sometimes. I think it's because of some of the meds that I am on, I won't tell my Doctor because that would just be one more thing to deal with.
5. I'm a big fan of drunk women.
6. I lifted a car off of a man onetime and don't really remember the details. His name was Billy and the bunperjack fell over while he was changing out the starter. I found him like that screaming and kicking, I was the only one around. it crushed three bones in his face and his jaw. Seems like it messed up his arm and a rib or two but he recovered fine, I that hear he is in prison now.
7. I have only one left testickle.
So there you have it, 7 random things about me that most would not know. Play along if you'd like, What can it hurt and you might kill a minute or two.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Rite Of Passage

Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's " Rite of Passage"? When he becomes the right age, his father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone. He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for help to anyone. Once he survives the night, then he is a man. He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each one must come into manhood on his own. The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blows the limbs and the brush. There are all kinds of creepy sounds through out the night, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man! Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm. We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, Our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Still Celebrating 100 Years

This is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Oklahoma
If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Oklahoma.
If "vacation" means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Oklahoma.
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you find 60 degrees "a little chilly," you may live in Oklahoma.
If you see a tornado warning on the television but don't get too awfully excited about it until you actually SEE it coming toward you, you may live in Oklahoma.
If you actually understand all of these jokes, you definitely live in Oklahoma.
Rules of Oklahoma
1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, & I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah . . . We don't care what folks in Cincinnati call that stuff they eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in the West. . . and real chili never met a tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she'd better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and high school Football is important here and fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Oklahoma State University and the University of Oklahoma. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have lots of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, so "Don't Mess with Oklahoma." If you do, you will get your ass whipped by the best.
Oklahoma -- Native America and Proud of it!