This is the last time I whine about anything.

Every since Tuesday when I found out that Social Security had approved my claim, I’ve felt like crap. My stomach is uneasy and my chest hurts, I can’t tell if it’s my heart or lungs. It just feels kind of tight and every now and then I have to take an extra breath to catch up. I’ve felt like crap most of my adult life so I don’t get too excited over pain. I think maybe I'm worried about not having anything to worry about. Wednesday they canceled my Social Security appointment and they had to take my brother to the emergency room. He’s in ICU, at first they said it was pneumonia but now they say he has had a full blown heart attack. He’s 52 and this is his 3rd or 4th one. He already has a defibulater (sp?) in his chest and he goes to dialysis 3 times a week, not to mention the Diabetes. He still gets around better than I do most of then time and helps me out when he can. I try and make myself not think about him so much, growing up he was my Hero, and still is in a lot of ways, I don’t know what I’ll do if something happens to him, I think I wouldn’t be too far behind him.
Social Security called me again yesterday and said that they could do my claim over the phone, so it only took us about 20 or 30 minutes and we were pretty much finished. She said it would take 24 hours to process and she’d call me back today with the final figures, so I’d better stay off of the computer I guess. I started my claim December 15th 2005, one year ago today. I didn’t complete my paperwork and get all of my information turned into until March 2006. So they say they’ll pay my claim back to April 2006. So that’s 8 months by their figures instead of 12 by mine. And they are going to pay my back pay at S.S.I. Rates (Welfare) that’s less than half of what regular S.S. Disability is. And having a child does not make any difference. And any money I used to get by on the last year depending on where it came from and if I have to pay it back or not will count against me. So I am probably going to get less than a quarter of what I was expecting and if I’m lucky it will be just enough to catch up my house payments, so all the money that I am in dept will remain to be a dept and with the amount I will be receiving monthly I will probably remain in dept a long f**king time. It sucks to be me, but hey… I could be a conjoined twin that shares a butt hole with a gay brother, so things could be worse. Peace and health to you all.