RECTUM STRETCHERWhile she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit) a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger. Then, I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand I work from side to side, until I can get both hands inside. Then, I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
posted by Chuck at
12:24 AM
14 Comments:
Very cute Chuck! You know the sad thing about my ticket history is that I've never gotten a ticket for speeding -- every ticket I've ever gotten was when I was doing 15mph or less.
azcg - you weren't smokin the green were you?
i always got tickets for expired tags, no insurance, not wearing a seatbelt, i've been arrested twice for opperating a vehicle without a valid driver lisense (i've had it taken away twice for no insurance) all toll it took me about $800 to get it back last time.
My very first ticket was for driving without a license! My husband just walked out, I was working, but after I paid my bills I have $4 a month for food. A drivers license was $5, so I'd have to go without food for over a month so I just didn't bother getting a license. I was driving through a residential neighborhood doing a very legal 25mph when a truck doing 55mph T-boned me and when the cops showed up I got a ticket for no drivers license. When I went to court I wore my cutest mini skirt and I was down to about 90 lbs and so when the Judge asked my why I didn't have a license I told him I would have to go without food in order to get my license. So he said he would tear up the ticket, but I had to get my license so I did. Sometimes it pays to be a girl! I think my next ticket was for passing a truck in a school zone. Then I did a cop stop in front of a cop. But I broke every speed limit in town and never got a speeding ticket.
yeah i never got a ticket or arrested when iwas really speeding or breaking the law, one of my old posts i wrote about getting arrested when i was 15 for doing over 100 in a 35 plus no lisense and the cop released me to my dad with no tickets or charges, he figured my dad would put the fear of god in me... and he did.
That was nice of the cop to do that. I bet getting a ticket and thrown into juve would have been easier that facing up with your Dad. When I was a kid I would rather have faced a firing squad than face my Dad when he was mad. He beat the crap out of me several times for little insignificant stuff, I can't imagine what he would have done if a cop brought me home.
i got my share of ass whippin's when i was growing up, my mom and dad would go shopping for things to whip me with, and i can honestly say that i deserved every whippin' i got, because i got away with a lot of crap too.
hehe.. heard that one before, still damn funny though.. hehe...
How you been doing Peacock??
ROFLMAO. Oh this is funny:-).
xmichra - i'm doing ok, i feel like my life is on hold right now, hopefully something will give soon.
kaliblue - glad that you liked it... hey, your eye is different. pretty cool!
I love a good joke! Especially when the husband has not heard it and I get to repeat it uninturrupted!
My first and only ticket was for driving without a license. That was 20 years ago!!! Hope I can keep it up. Loved the joke by the way!!!
i can never remember jokes and when i do most people have heard them already.
LOL!!
Oh shit, hahaha!!
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