I’ve Sure Been Lost Lately… I’ve sat down and written quite a few posts lately but I always wind up deleting them after I reread them. They seem to always turn into whining and complaining about how life or at least how mine sucks. Taking meds, dieting, and sleeping seem to take up most of my day, Social Security denied my claim so that has grieved me immensely. Now I have to turn to a Lawyer and that means if I do get approved and get any money it will go towards legal fees. It really pisses me off because I’ve done nothing wrong, I’ve played by the rules and have done everything I can do and someone else is going to get to profit from my misfortune. If I get approved and get any back pay at all, shouldn’t it be mine? I’ve not changed or been more or less disabled, I’m the same with or without a lawyer. But I guess it’s just they way things are. Only now I may lose my house and have to move to God knows where before I do get any assistance. Will my daughter have to move in with her Mom? Will I have to get rid of my dogs? It’s enough to have me stick a gun in my mouth. Why bother if the only things I care for are taken from me. I don’t know that I am strong enough to handle it. Some of the meds that I am on make me sick, others make me dizzy, dieting and eating correctly sucks really bad, I’d friggin’ cut some body for some bacon right about now. My only vise now is coffee and once a day I mix half a pack of sugar free hot cocoa, a couple of packs of Splenda, and some fat free non-dairy French vanilla creamer with it and have myself a kind of white-trash cappuccino. Anyway the weekend is coming up and my daughter is with her mom and all I have to eat is some Healthy Choice microwave meals (maybe if I eat three of them at a time I‘ll be satisfied), some tuna, and some carrot sticks and bananas, so if I don’t eat a bullet by Monday it will be a huge miracle. Oh yeah, those bacon treats for dogs might smell great but they sure as Hell don’t taste like any bacon I ever ate before. Have a Good Day.
posted by Chuck at
6:22 AM
32 Comments:
Chuck, time for some action on some of these issues. First, why not declare bankruptcy. It's harder now than it used to be, but if you do, they can't take your home from you.
Next, have you applied for public assistance from your state? If not, get er done. Call it what you will, the system exists to take care of people like you who have fallen on hard times through no fault of their own, and who worked and paid into the system for many years. Then you won't be without a little money to pay the power bill and go to the grocery store.
Next, as my brother is fond of saying, life may suck but the alternative is unacceptable. It doesn't take much in the way of cojones to kill yourself, but doing so will screw up your daugther and others for life. So regardless of how hard it gets, you have to play your string out to the end.
I have to diet, it isn't fun, and sometimes I break it but I don't want to check out with something as inane as a heart attack. You just have to toe the line. I've known you long enough now to know you are a stand up guy, not a p***y, so put that character to work.
Being sick is a really hard thing to handle. Not feeling well is really corrosive to your spirit. But, if you can make it out to the porch and sit with your dogs a bit, you got something out of the day.
If you are feeling too sick to look into things like applying for some help from the state, Di, Xmichra and I can research it on the computer for you. We'd be glad to.
Frank (who used to call himself Montanus until he figured the hell with it, anybody can figure out who I am anyway)
no worries about me eating a bullet, it would be a selfish thing to do and i've not figured out a way to square it with god anyway, i filed bankruptcy after i got a divorce, didn't care for it much. i've got 60 days to appeal my case with social security, they said i should seek help on the state level also, i don't care for that much either, but i'll do what i have to i guess, you never did tell me where "Montanus" came from and i'm not well enough read to know anyway (i just always figured that you got it from a book) i'll get through this nonsense just like i always do, somehow or the other, thanks for your concern though. it just sours my stomach to have to ask for something or explain myself to strangers like state or federal employees. thanks again.
Chuck honey!! I know it's hard to try and see what there is in the world worth living for when everything looks so grim... but take it from me. I am a girl who almost died by her own hand, and it was the most selfish stupid thing.
We all love you Chuck, and want nothing but good things for you. and i know those are just sentiments... and can not help you out. But it is genuine, and you can count on us to be a support system if you need.
Hopefully things will start to turn around for you love. But it was good to hear from you, regardless if it was negative or not. We just want to hear from you, because we miss you.
(((hugs)))
xmichra - no worries about me, i just talk crap sometimes, sometimes just writing things down helps, sometimes i delete them sometimes i post them and sometimes i just keep them for myself, i could never hurt myself, i'm too pretty, i'll post a picture for a short while, maybe you'll see it before i delete, it's my driver lisense photo. talk to you soon.
Chuck! Hey THERE!! Don't worry about dumping your feelings. Just glad to see you here! And about that SSDI. Just keep waiting and waiting. It can take 3 years chuck. My attorney got 7000.00 of my back pay. Hell yeah it sucked, but it beat nothing, and without an attorney you won't have a shot in the dark.
I hate to tell you, but diabetes (unless you can claim blindness as a complication) is not given favorable rulings quickly (or very often) even with hospitalization and way outta control diabetes.
Just some suggestions if you need them: If you can get treated by a psychiatrist for depression and get "depression" as a secondary diagnosis it will help your claim a lot. And.. if you are ever talking to you doc about something, don't ever say you've done something you are not supposed to do with diabetes because if the doc charts "patient admits to drinking this weekend" and SS find this (and they will) they will deny you over and over.
I'm sitting here remembering those days. LOL - talking about your dogs -- I'm reminded of the God awful days I was reduced to foodstamps and the times I resorted to buying cheap chicken livers (pound after pound of chicken livers), turkey necks, side meat (crap meat, cheap meat) and canned tuna on sale out the wazoo (for my pets :) I stole toilet paper from the Hardees bathroom. I got in a fight in the kitchen over the last little bit of butter in the butter tray. Yep - my live-in asshole of a BF at the time took the last pat right out from under my nose and slabbed it on HIS ear of corn that my dad had given ME. I snatched it off his corn and said "WTF are you doing?" The pushing and shoving began -- over butter. I won hehe :)
Chuck, you're gonna make it through this! One day you will look back and say "I really held on through all of that crap - I really did it!" It's going to seem like an eternity, but you will do it!
Good deal on sticking to your diet! Just keep doing what you gotta do chuck!
Hugs!
Wys
Chuck my hubb-z is a Diabetic and we eat rather normal so to speak. The best thing to do is start looking up some diabetic recipes on-line. Food can be fun again, just gotta be inventive. This gal cooks low carb things . Check this website out.
http://www.kalynskitchen.blogspot.com/
We like some of her things. :-)
Have A Good Weekend !!!
P.S. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. :-)
hi there charles, check out this link http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/0,2106,3727491a7144,00.html this is the kind of food i eat to combat a very similar set of problems. it's tastey. lots of healthy fats which taste nice. if you only ask, the Big Fallah will give you the cojones to cope. tis a fact.
shane.
wys - great to hear from you, thanks for the insight on a few things, it'll help. i tried to shy away from the diabetes issue when i filed, i leaned more towards the neuropathy, edema, and not being able to walk, but of course they focused on the diabetes and the weight. so many things have changed since i filed, i was prescribed a wheelchair and something for depression as well as conjestive heart failure, so i guess i have to redo some paperwork anyway, the cherokee nation will help me with most of it so we'll see how it goes, thanks again.
kaliblue - thanks i'll check it out, i'm a pretty good cook (that's part of my problem) but i can't hardley stand up long enough to prepare anything and sitting down while cooking is a pain but i will deal with it, right now money is my largest problem, i've gotten used to eating cheap to make ends meet (i mean real cheap) but it'll work out one way or the other, thanks again.
shane - thanks, i'll check it out too, i always ask the big fellah for strength and courage, sometimes i wish i didn't believe, it would be easier just to give up, but it's just not in me to quit... damn it! thanks and take care.
di - tie me up and whip me into shape ! now that's a plan i can get on board with, calm down is right, thanks for being there all the time. i've missed you.
Hi Sweety, I read wysteria's comment and every single word is true and heed the warnings about what you tell the doc's. Having Depression alone can get SS coupled with diabetes and chronic conditions attributed makes a better case. Not to mention the fact that it couldn't hurt to get some meds to help you deal. Think of it as a mission, a science experiment. It's all perspective baby. I know, easier said than done but we're all here for you best we can and never ever worry about saying what needs to be said. They don't have to read it if they don't want to. It's cathartic to get the shit out. Believe me, that's basically why I blog, to get it out, feel it up and finger it out! Love ya puddin' cup!Stop eating the dogs snacks, right now!
thanks babs - they prescribed me something to help deal with it, maybe they'll take that into consideration now, dhs called me today and i have to get back with the cherokee nation on monday plus a guy that specializes in ssdi cases so maybe something will come of it, it will probably all work out if i just have the energy to keep talking to these people, i am the type that usually ask one time and that's it, i hate explaining the same thing over and over. thanks and i'll talk at ya soon. xoxo
ugh, i just looked a tthat pile of bacon and seriously want to vomit. That just looks gross. I am going to enlarge it and put in on my fridge. *shudders*
xmichra doesn't like the bacon. I'd eat that whole plate right now. But it's more fun makin' bacon, isn't it?
xmichra that is so funny to me! And to think - I look at it and see a BLT just waiting to happen, piled high with lots of mayo :)
Chuck, if any doc has ever given you have any meds for depression, then you are being treated for depression. Yeah.. you spiff that claim up and make sure you include every single psych med you've ever been prescribed.
Ditto on babs -- the more you can get prescribed to help with the mental part of this stuff the better off you are going to be. If ever I have a friend filing for disability on account of Hep C or diabetes (those two go hand in hand because Hep C can cause diabetes and peripheral neuropathy and ...shit -- all grades of crap), I always tell them to get to the shrink quick and get put on meds by the shrink for depression. I've seen people with edema from Hep C and heart failure who couldn't get squat from SSDI because they had filed their condition as "Hep C".
Also, a regular doc prescribing the meds for any psych symtoms will not cut it for SSDI, either. Yeah that sucks, but it's true. It has to be a psychiatrist who is following you and treating you for depression. SSDI will not tell you this, either, but that is what the examiner will look at when doing a chart review on you (to see if you are being treated by a psychiatrist / psychologist / counselor for "depression")
OK - you just hang in there! I hope you don't think I'm trying to push a head shrinker on you. I'm not... well I am, lol - but only because I know it will help your claim and only because I know with what you are facing medically you are going to NEED SSDI and Medicare! It is so difficult getting it. I've known so many people with so many awful medical conditions (heart failure, liver disease, ascites, etc) who SSDI didn't blink an eye at (and these people were close to death). But you show them "being treated for depression" -- well, it just turns the whole thing into a different ball game.
OK -- Bye! Hang tough!
LMAO -- I just read Bab's Bacon Dream, and I AGREE! LOL!
what the hell do canadians know about bacon anyway ? they think it's ham ! ha ha, ya gotta love 'em anyway ! i could eat it plain or on a BLT, i'd put bacon on pumpkin pie !
wys just thinks i need a head shrinker, i figured as long as the little voices never told me to do anything bad i was ok, they keep me from being lonely whenever i'm alone, but then again i'm never really alone am i ?
oh, don't get me wrong, i LOVE bacon. But to see it in a pile looking like someones small intestine is on a table is enough to make me wretch. That's why i figure i could put it on my fridge, i am pretty turned off of eating anything at the momment, most of all bacon.
oh, and FYI canadian bacon is back bacon, and it isn't ham =P hehe
what do canadians call head cheese ?
gross. hehe.
or american =P
i agree... head cheese be way nasty, ay !
Chuck!
Where do you think the money comes from for public assistance, guy? Out of your pocket, over the years, as you worked. It is not a matter of pride, it's common sense. Go apply. Who cares if some bureaucrat doesn't treat you right? Accomplish the mission. The mission is to be financially independent. Look man, I once stood in line behind some people who bought the best ice cream while I bought the cheap store brand, they bought steak and I bought hamburger, and they paid with food stamps. Then they walked out of the store and got in a new Cadillac. I'm not making this up. THOSE kind of people are leeches. But a guy like you, who paid his dues, worked his whole life, you are just getting YOUR OWN MONEY BACK. Don't hesitate, Chuck. Get everything you can. Why should you have to worry about food and bills when you have to worry about your health as well.
Well, enough preaching from me. I feel like I ought to leap up in the air, and shout "Praise GAWD!" to end my revival. But I mean what I say.
Montanus was a Christian Heretic in the 4th Century AD. I'm always being told by my relations that I'm going to hell because I'm not religious, so I figured it was a good name.
ok... now i have to look up what "heretic" means !
frank - my favorite uncle's name was frank, don't ever feel like you're preachin' to me, i appreciate the push.
a heretic is a person who speaks out with controversial opinions about the roman catholic church. they do not beleive in the dogma (which is a fancy word for the principles that the church holds as concrete) associated with the religion, and normally got themselves burnt as Joan of Arc did. :D
do you ever read happy books ?
Chuck, I must agree with Frank/Montanus.You've paid into it and you damn well should use it if you can get it. So, you shop out of town, if it makes you feel better but there are always a few options out there, you just have to leave your pride at home.
Heaqd Cheese, butt cheese fumunda cheese, it's all the same to me=gross!
Are you pregnant with another princess xmichra,huh??
nope. not pregnant. impossible.
And huck, i read plenty of happy books. I just grew up in the school system of the roman catholics.. and have learned lots from it. You know, because the best deffence is a good offence =P
babs - i hate it when you're right, the last 6 or 7 months i've left a lot of my pride in the closet. before it's over i'll probably have to cry to get my way.
ooh! rim cheese... got any crackers?
roman catholic churches are not very big where i live, i only know of one catholic church around here and it's not very big, but you can throw a bible out any window and hit a baptist church.
Catholic school can ruin you for life but the baptists may lynch your ass in the name of God or drown you pretending that they're baptizing you. Just kidding except for the Catholic church part. I lived it,too!
there has been a lot of bad crap happen through out history in the name of religion, it makes it hard to have faith sometimes, i just wish people would get it right and stop screwing it up.
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