I've not been with it much today, I can't set down at the computer long enough to get anything done. This is a note I wrote to my neighbor a while back after she left one on my fence. It seems one of my dogs had gotten into her yard and chewed up a 99 cent lawn ornament (among other dog-type activites) that she got at the Dollar Store (I guess that makes it 100 cents lawn ornament then don't it, my bad) Anyway the note said she would call the "Humane Society" (Dog Catcher) if I didn't mind. If I Didn't Mind!! What the Hell does that mean? She also put the ornament on my fence right next to where I parked my truck so I would be sure and see it, I think it' still there. Well I wrote her a note but I never gave it to her. The man that used to live accross the street from us had a heart attack (and died) and her husband went to check on him and had a heart attack in the middle of the friggin' road and I kind of felt bad for her. I have kept my dogs out of her yard since then. Here's the note.

DEAR NEIGHBOR,

HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN NEIGHBORS? I AM SORRY THAT YOU HAVE BEEN INCONVIENIANCED BY ME AND MY DOGS. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE LITTLE BLACK AND TAN ONE CAME FROM, PROBABLY DUMPED OR SOMEONE MOVED OFF AND LEFT HIM. NO ONE AROUND HERE SEEMED TO BE IN A HURRY TO FEED OR WATER A STRAY DOG, I GUESS IF YOU HAVE IT IN YOUR HEART TO LOVE AN ANIMAL IT MUST ONLY ACCOUNT FOR YOUR OWN. I DID NOT PICK THE LITTLE FELLOW HE KIND OF PICKED DUTCHY AND ME. HE'S NOT VERY TRUSTING OF PEOPLE, MUST HAVE BEEN MISTREATED SOMEHOW. HE HAS TAKEN A SHINE TO ME HOWEVER AND I'VE KIND OF GROWN FOND OF HIM. I THINK HE JUST NEEDS A LITTLE LOVE, I CALL HIM TIGG. I WOULD LIKE TO KEEP HIM IF HE IS NOT TOO MUCH OF A BOTHER. I CAN'T KEEP HIM IN MY BACK YARD RIGHT NOW BUT IF I CAN SAVE UP A LITTLE MONEY I WILL REMEDY THAT. YOU MENTIONED CALLING THE POUND (IF I DIDN’T MIND), I KNOW THAT THEY USE TO KILL ALL THE DOGS THAT WERE NOT CLAIMED IN THREE DAYS, NO ONE HAS CLAIMED HIM HERE IN A MONTH SO I GUESS THAT MEANS HE WOULD NOT BE CLAIMED THERE EITHER. I WAS AT THE DUMP ONE DAY WHEN THEY BROUGHT THE DOGS FROM THE POUND THAT HAD JUST BEEN GASSED (THEY CALL IT “EUTHENIZED” BUT IT’S REALLY GASSED), DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY THEY GAS AT ONE TIME ? AS MANY AS WILL FIT IN THE BACK OF THEIR PICK-UP TRUCK, I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY LOAD THEM BUT THEY UNLOAD THEM WITH A SCOOP SHOVEL, AT LEAST IT WAS NOT A PITCH FORK. ONE NICE BIG PILE OF DOGS, THEY GET TOP PRIORITY THOUGH. THE BACK-HOE PUSHES THEM RIGHT INTO THE WHOLE AND COVERS THEM UP. DID I MENTION THAT THEY WERE STILL MOVING AND THAT THEIR EYES WERE STILL OPEN? I GUESS THAT IT WOULD BE AN INCONVIENIANCE TO WAIT UNTIL THEY WERE COMPLETELY DEAD. I FOR ONE WILL CONTINUE TO REFER TO THEM AS “THE POUND", HUMANE SOCIETY DOES NOT SEEM TO FIT SOMEHOW. ANYWAY I ALSO NOTICED THAT YOU MENTIONED IN YOUR NOTE THAT "THEY" HAD DUG HOLES IN YOUR YARD AND THAT I NEED TO KEEP "THEM" OUT OF YOUR YARD, ONCE AGAIN, MY APPOLOGIES. YOU HAVE CATS DON'T YOU. OVER THE YEARS, HOW MANY PAW PRINTS WOULD YOU SAY I'VE HAD ON MY TRUCKS? OR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILIES CARS, OR HOW MANY TIMES HAVE THEY GOTTEN INTO MY TRUCK AND PISSED? DID I MENTION IT OR WRITE A NOTE. I DON'T LEAVE MY WINDOWS DOWN ANYMORE UNLESS I FORGET, NOT EVEN ON DAYS WHEN IT'S HOT. ONE TIME A CAT GOT INTO MY HOUSE, NO, I TAKE THAT BACK, MANY TIMES A CAT HAS GOTTEN INTO MY HOUSE, BUT ONE TIME I DID NOT NOTICE IT AND I WENT OUT OF TOWN FOR A WEEK, IT WAS LOCKED IN MY HOUSE FOR THAT WEEK, AND OH YES IT HAD TO PISS AND SHIT FOR THAT WEEK, SEVERAL TIMES INFACT. I REMEMBER SOME CURTAINS BEING TORN DOWN ALSO, DID I MENTION IT OR WRITE A NOTE, MUST HAVE SLIPPED MY MIND. ALSO NOT TO MENTION THAT IT MUST HAVE NOT WANTED TO BE HERE BECAUSE IT RIPPED A NICE CHUNK OF CARPET UP TRYING TO DIG IT'S WAY OUT FROM UNDER THE DOOR. STILL NO WORD, NO NOTE.
A FEW YEARS AGO A CAT DIED UNDER MY HOUSE, OF COURSE I DID NOT NOTICE IT UNTIL THE STINCH WAS BAD ENOUGH THAT I HAD TO GET A HOTEL ROOM FOR TWO NIGHTS, I WOULD HAVE STAYED A LOT LONGER BUT TWO NIGHTS WAS ALL I COULD AFFORD. IT DID NOT COST ME ANYTHING TO REMOVE THE CAT THOUGH, MY LITTLE BROTHER CRAWLED UNDER THE HOUSE AND GOT IT OUT FOR ME, HE THREW UP SOME AND CUT HIS ARM UNDER THERE, BUT IT WAS NOT SERIOUS. I DID NOT THROW IT IN THE TRASH OR HAUL IT TO THE DUMP, I BURRIED IT IN MY BACK YARD, THERE IS AT LEAST TWO OTHER CATS BURRIED BACK THERE, ALONG WITH TWO OF MY DOGS THAT WERE POISONED A FEW YEARS EARLIER. THERE IS EVEN AN IGUANA, YEP TWO DOGS, THREE CATS, A LIZARD, A TURTLES AND A FEW BIRDS. BUT I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER OWNING A CAT, BUT I MUST LIKE THEM BECAUSE I LET THEM LIVE IN MY GARAGE, RUINING EVERYTHING IN THERE, AT LEAST IT GIVES THEM A PLACE TO SHIT AND PISS WHEN THE WEATHER IS BAD, BUT SURELY I HAVE MENTIONED IT BEFORE. A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO YOU SAID THAT THE MAIL MAN WAS GOING TO HAVE TO PEPPER SPRAY THE LITTLE ONE, THAT MUST BE REWARDING, A MAIL MAN THAT HAS TO PUT UP WITH DOGS, GO FIGURE, I DON'T EXPECT HE KNEW ABOUT DOGS BEFORE HE APPLIED FOR THE JOB. ALSO YOU SAID THAT THE DOGS WOKE YOU UP AT 6:00AM, I CAN'T IMAGINE, BEING THAT I WORK NIGHTS AND TRY TO SLEEP DURING THE DAY, BUT IT'S KIND OF HARD SOMETIMES WITH ALL THE MOWING AND WEED EATING AND HOUSE REPAIRS AND VISITERS AND TALKING AND LITTLE YAPPING DOGS AND MY DOG BARKING AT CATS IN MY YARD AND PRETTY BLUE FORD COBRAS WITH LOUD EXHAUST THAT PEOPLE LIKE TO REV UP WHILE THEY ARE WARMING THEM UP AND DRIVING THEM AWAY, BUT I UNDERSTAND THAT NOT EVERYONE HAS TO WORK AND THAT IS JUST THE PRICE OF LIVING IN TOWN AND HAVING NEIGHBORS. ONE TIME ON ONE OF MY NIGHTS OFF, AND I REMIND YOU THAT THIS WAS SOME TIME BACK, FOUR PISSED OFF COPS SHOWED UP AT MY DOOR BECAUSE I WAS LISTENING TO MY TV TOO LOUD. I DID NOT HEAR THEM AT FIRST BECAUSE OF THE TV AND ALL, BUT MAINLY BECAUSE OF THE DOUBLE EAR INFECTION I HAD, I COULD NOT HEAR FOR MONTHS. I COULD NOT FIGURE OUT WHY THEY WERE SO PISSED OFF OVER A LOUD TV, TRUE IT WAS AFTER 2:00 AM BUT THEY THREATENED ME IF THEY HAD TO COME BACK OR IF I RETALIATED IN ANY WAY AGAINST MY NEIGHBORS FOR CALLING. MAKES ME WONDER WHAT THEY WERE TOLD. ANYWAY THEY'VE BEEN CALLED ON ME FOR MANY OTHER THINGS AND I ALLWAYS SURVIVE. I GUESS YOU SHOULD TRY TO BE QUIET WHEN FOLKS ARE TRYING TO SLEEP. IT'S JUST THE NEIGHBORLY THING TO DO. THAT'S THE WAY I WAS RAISED, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A NEIGHBOR DON'T BOTHER TO LIVE NEXT DOOR. I NORMALY KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT ABOUT SUCH THINGS AND TRY TO BE TOLLERANT OF OTHERS AND I EXPECT THE SAME, MAYBE I'M WRONG. I HOPE THIS DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE GOING TO BECOME ENEMIES NOW BUT MAYBE THAT WE CAN BOTH LOOK AT THINGS FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE. I DO APPOLOGIES FOR MY ACTIONS, MY DOGS, AND MY WORDS AND EVEN MY SPELLING, I COULD NOT FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE THE SPELL-CHECK ON THIS THING, IT'S A NEW PROGRAM FOR ME AND I'M STILL WORKING OUT THE BUGS. HEY WHAT DO YOU KNOW, MY FIRST NOTE TO A NEIGHBOR.

RESPECTFULLY YOURS,
CHARLIE (SHE CALLS ME CHARLIE AND I HATE IT)

P.S. I HOPE YOU DO NOT THINK THIS LETTER INFORMAL OF ME, IT'S JUST THE BEST WAY I EXPRESS MYSELF WITHOUT YELLING. GOOD DAY.