I must have gotten ahold of some bad pork...

Tuesday, April 11th, 8:24 in the PM, The chicken I ordered has arrived, was paid for and the delivery chic has left. 8:26 PM setting on toilet, feet straight out rocketing hot chocolaty Yoo-Hoo out of my ass. 8:46 PM flush toilet. 8:48 PM flush toilet again, grab plunger just in case, nope... false alarm the tide recedes. 8:50 PM setting on side of bed, cramp once, cramp twice, back to the shitter. 8:58 PM after several brushes with death, flush toilet, "Code Red", all hands on plunger and plunge, and plunge, stop, check, and plunge again, flush once more, clean up splatter off side of sink and back to the bed. 9:04 PM, Damn near shit myself before I decided I needed to be back on the crapper, 9:04:24 PM almost had to clean hallway and one small dog. 9:06 PM hot ass chowder flowing copiously like from my corn hole consisting of mostly hot liquid, followed by small chunks (feels like grape nuts) and several air pockets, I'm glad no one is within earshot or noseshot, smells like something from the X-Files, I go ahead and take my shorts off and plan on staying a while. I set back and prop my feet up on the trash can and kill time reading the Scope bottle and petting the dog. After about three more bouts with Hell I decide the worst has got to be over, get out a second roll of butt-wipe do the paperwork, flush and pray everything goes well, it does and I exit the bathroom. 9:25 PM, You Have Got To Be Kidding Me !! Call 9*1*1, Big Cramp with sounds of gurgling, back to the hopper. Constipated Diarrhea, What the Hell is Up with That ? Oh My Gawd !!... my ass feels like I was sodomized with a 2x4 filled with rusty nails, my first shit was brown followed by green, then yellow now it's orange and white with flecks of blue. I have to wet the butt wipe with cold water and kind of daub at my butt hole gently. 9:45 PM, One hour and twenty one minutes later, I'm finally setting in the living room buck-assed naked watching "Everyone Loves Raymond" and eating my chicken. Stay away from "Sum Ting Wong's House of Pork Sushi" Good day