My Daughter...
My Daughter, the love of my life is fifteen now. When her mom came to where I worked and told me she was pregnant, I was speechless. We had been trying for a few months but now it was real. Me, a Dad, grown up (kind of) I knew from the minute she told me it was going to be a girl. Man what a feeling, I wish my Mom and Dad were around to be a part of this, I was in Love, had a nice big house, a job, two cars and a truck. Now I was going to be a Dad. Man Oh Man life was sweet. How could it be any better. When Emily was born it was all I could do at the time to call my sister and hold the phone up so she could hear my new baby girl crying, I was speechless again, I was on top of the world, my heart was full.
Now lets move ahead a few years. Lost that Job, had to sell my second car (a 1970 Plymouth Barracuda with a 383) had to move into a smaller, less expensive house, wife left. Oh I'm still a Dad, to a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL!! Excuse me a moment my Alka-Seltzer is ready. She is still the love of my life and overall is a pretty good kid, I'm a lucky man. The other day we were talking and for some reason she told me she had kissed a boy... I threw up a little in my throat. Then she told me she had kissed more than one... I threw up a little more, this time it tasted like hot dogs. I asked just how many boys she had kissed. She said "Kissed or Dated?" I Damn near soiled myself! I doubled over and grabbed my side, she started counting on her fingers and I started turning red! When she started on the second hand I begged "Stop! Please Stop! You're Killing Me! She was laughing her head off and tried to grab my arm, I said "Don't you touch me" that just brought more laughter. After I could breath again and cleaned myself up a bit, she gave me names, some of them I even knew. I asked her if her Mom knew and she said "Hell No!" I said "don't say Hell and get me the phone" Oh she stopped laughing then, not so funny now, but I thought why is she more scared of her Mom knowing than me knowing? So I asked her and she said if her Mom knew she would never be aloud to go anywhere ever again. I said "good to know." So that's what I've been living with for the last couple of months, knowing my Daughter is "damaged goods" (just kidding) but now she feels comfortable letting me know things, bad things, like something about this guy with the most beauitiful smile and when she is in a bad mood she can look at him and smile again (there's that hot dog taste again) but the worst of all is when I saw her writing down how she liked to bite the bottom lip when she was kissing someone. I have no jokes for that one. I never felt more ill in all my life. I couldn't even cry. She could have told me she wasn't a virgin and I don't think I would have felt worse, what scares me is I know I'm kidding myself about that one. So I said we had to have a talk (and believe me, we've had a bunch) not the kind of talk where she puts her hands over her ears and hums real loud until I go away like she did when she started her period. But about being a virgin and being smart about things, and making the right choices and waiting until she was old enough to make good choices (we have had this talk several times) but I added something new this time, when and if she ever lost her virginity, please be smart, be sure, be prepared and above all, LIE! LIE TO ME! LIE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER LIED BEFORE, LIE UNTIL YOU... BELIEVE THAT LIE. I don't care if you're 35, LIE! If I walk in and catch you in the middle of it, you better lie, you better say "It wasn't me Daddy, I don't know what you're talking about." And she better Stick to that Lie! No matter what, Stick to that lie. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen is how I intend on handleing that, Complete and Total Ignorance, it's the only way I can see. I need some Tums or some Maalox now, Good day.
My Daughter, the love of my life is fifteen now. When her mom came to where I worked and told me she was pregnant, I was speechless. We had been trying for a few months but now it was real. Me, a Dad, grown up (kind of) I knew from the minute she told me it was going to be a girl. Man what a feeling, I wish my Mom and Dad were around to be a part of this, I was in Love, had a nice big house, a job, two cars and a truck. Now I was going to be a Dad. Man Oh Man life was sweet. How could it be any better. When Emily was born it was all I could do at the time to call my sister and hold the phone up so she could hear my new baby girl crying, I was speechless again, I was on top of the world, my heart was full.
Now lets move ahead a few years. Lost that Job, had to sell my second car (a 1970 Plymouth Barracuda with a 383) had to move into a smaller, less expensive house, wife left. Oh I'm still a Dad, to a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL!! Excuse me a moment my Alka-Seltzer is ready. She is still the love of my life and overall is a pretty good kid, I'm a lucky man. The other day we were talking and for some reason she told me she had kissed a boy... I threw up a little in my throat. Then she told me she had kissed more than one... I threw up a little more, this time it tasted like hot dogs. I asked just how many boys she had kissed. She said "Kissed or Dated?" I Damn near soiled myself! I doubled over and grabbed my side, she started counting on her fingers and I started turning red! When she started on the second hand I begged "Stop! Please Stop! You're Killing Me! She was laughing her head off and tried to grab my arm, I said "Don't you touch me" that just brought more laughter. After I could breath again and cleaned myself up a bit, she gave me names, some of them I even knew. I asked her if her Mom knew and she said "Hell No!" I said "don't say Hell and get me the phone" Oh she stopped laughing then, not so funny now, but I thought why is she more scared of her Mom knowing than me knowing? So I asked her and she said if her Mom knew she would never be aloud to go anywhere ever again. I said "good to know." So that's what I've been living with for the last couple of months, knowing my Daughter is "damaged goods" (just kidding) but now she feels comfortable letting me know things, bad things, like something about this guy with the most beauitiful smile and when she is in a bad mood she can look at him and smile again (there's that hot dog taste again) but the worst of all is when I saw her writing down how she liked to bite the bottom lip when she was kissing someone. I have no jokes for that one. I never felt more ill in all my life. I couldn't even cry. She could have told me she wasn't a virgin and I don't think I would have felt worse, what scares me is I know I'm kidding myself about that one. So I said we had to have a talk (and believe me, we've had a bunch) not the kind of talk where she puts her hands over her ears and hums real loud until I go away like she did when she started her period. But about being a virgin and being smart about things, and making the right choices and waiting until she was old enough to make good choices (we have had this talk several times) but I added something new this time, when and if she ever lost her virginity, please be smart, be sure, be prepared and above all, LIE! LIE TO ME! LIE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER LIED BEFORE, LIE UNTIL YOU... BELIEVE THAT LIE. I don't care if you're 35, LIE! If I walk in and catch you in the middle of it, you better lie, you better say "It wasn't me Daddy, I don't know what you're talking about." And she better Stick to that Lie! No matter what, Stick to that lie. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen is how I intend on handleing that, Complete and Total Ignorance, it's the only way I can see. I need some Tums or some Maalox now, Good day.
posted by Chuck at
6:10 AM
4 Comments:
Oh you poor baby. I can only imagine. If shwas anything like me, you'd better get her fixed and not be worrying about the dog.I was fortunate,I think, to have raised three boys. Now, my attitudes have changed a lot in recent years but I was not a good example for my children. Oh, I was a good Mom when they were little, didn't drink, do drugs, didn't smoke when I was pregnant, fed 'em right and they were and still are my life. But when they got older and I became less lucid, I pretty much raised the kinda boys, you as a father of a daughter, woulda hated.I handed them condoms, them and all their friends, but I never discouraged sex. I wish I had. Cause it takes what, 0 to 60 seconds to go in to passionate mode sometimes?All the talking in the world is for not when you are in that mode and you never think too clearly. I talk from experiance. My youngest son, Waylon, just had his first son last week. He already has two daughters by two different mothers and the son by another and she doesn't want anything to do with him. She called, when she had the baby and left a message on the answering machine that the baby was black and not his. It's a lie but after their last fight, she told him to go fuck himself and somebody else. So, of course he went out and got drunk and got the phone numbers for two girls,(Waylon is in S.C.. I guess she came to make up and walked in to his trailer while he was in the shower, went in to his bedroom and boom, there on the nightstand were the phone numbers.That's it and that's all and she gave the baby her name. He's hurt and it's all a damn shame. Well, I didn't realize I was gonna right a novel here but good luck with your little girl and you'd better keep her far away from my Johnny Appleseed son!
she's a real good kid but she is boy crazy and she lives to make my butt pucker. I handed her a condom one time just to see her reaction, she didn't even bat an eye, said "thanks", stuck it in her back pocket and said "I'll save this for later."
Oh no. I have two daughters...a few years from this, but still, I shudder to think!!!!
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