Saturday, May 27, 2006

Somebody Said They Wanted To See What I Looked Like...

A Few More Things That Might Let It Slip That You're A Redneck:

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.
15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room's so clean.
20. You can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at over 50 mph.

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehe.. are these Jeff Foxworthy??

May 27, 2006 1:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Well I thought I done seen about everything, till I seen old Chuck goin' by"

Dude, what's up with the overalls, I mean, is that a new fashion statement?

May 27, 2006 2:22 PM  
Blogger Chuck said...

xmichra - i beleive most, if not all of them, are jeff foxworthey's.

montanus - we call that the "hillbilly cut" you can get em in shorts too for summer wear. i didn't mean to be dressed up all high fulootin' like that, but that pic was taken at my high school reunion and i pulled out all the stops for that night.

May 27, 2006 2:45 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Now I don't care who ya are, that there's funny!!

May 27, 2006 7:39 PM  
Blogger Chuck said...

babs - thay have a line of crotchless overalls too... they might even make them for women.

May 28, 2006 12:10 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

chuck, thanks, I made my own!

May 28, 2006 5:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I haven't been by in a lonnnng time. I'm glad I dropped off this morning to see how you're doing because now I'm also laughin my ass off! And I love your new gun and rocking boobies in the margin. And what a bootimus belly you have in those overalls! Hope your Memorial Day Weekend is tops!

May 28, 2006 9:40 AM  
Blogger Chuck said...

hey babs - now that's country, matching crotchless overalls, i can almost hear the banjo music now!

wisteria - why am i thinking that there should have a "y" in it ? anyway you should be ashamed for staying away so long, i was starting to worry, it's good to hear from you, don't be a stranger any longer. i hope you are well.

May 28, 2006 10:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank ya dear chuck! I hope you're well, too. The Y thing is because I'm so used to spelling my name "Wys" on a hep c support place (short for wysteria). Hun, you can call me wys, wis, wiss, wuss, sc, shad catcher, dog catcher, cussing mama, lunatic, bitch, hehe -- just don't call me late for dinner!

I gotta get back and read your Captain Montanus again cuz it's funny as shit. I've missed dropping by you and Babs and several others -- just don't have much time these days, but I'm always thinking of you guys. Happy Memorial Day!

May 29, 2006 6:45 AM  
Blogger Whozfan said...

Man, I was gone for three days and had a lot of catching up today just on your blog. Redneck stuff is halarious. I heard another the other day. You know you are a redneck if your home is mobile and your car is not. Cool stuff you've added complete the .45, the clock the boobies, it's all good. Hope you're feeling better. The poem of the Cherokee, you wrote it? Very nice. You should have shared your pic for HNT thursdays.

May 30, 2006 8:03 AM  
Blogger Chuck said...

thanks whozfan, HNT, that's funny.

May 30, 2006 8:17 AM  

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